Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius.
I often wonder about the emotion of jealousy. What purpose does it serve other than to cultivate bitterness and unhappiness? Why did God even invent such an emotion? The hard thing about jealousy is that it is virtually uncontrollable. We can try and squash it but it is always there and it is impossible to get rid of. If you feel that spark of jealousy in your heart for someone, no matter how you try and bury it you always feel that stirring...hoping you can best them, almost wishing for something bad to befall them. You can smile and say hello, but inside you are poisoned with those black, rolling waves.
Amazingly even with what little I have, I do have people in my life that are jealous of me. It's very strange. Do they have NO idea what really goes on in my life? Do they know how hard I struggle, personally and emotionally? Do they have any inkling of the work I put in...the MILLIONS of hours of blood, sweat and tears only for a few milliseconds of success? Jealousy causes you to focus on that one nugget of good fortune that someone has, and it blinds you to the realities of their life. My life is
(I like this one!)All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
I have zero control over my emotions today. Probably due to the feeling of zero control over my life right now. My emotions are going up and down like a roller coaster. It's weird. One minute I am optimistic and looking forward to something, the next minute I am
Believe. Believe that what you want is already yours. Have unwavering faith. Believe in the unseen.
I want to be great. No, I want to be the
See the things that you want as already yours. Know that they will come to you at need. Then let them come. Don't fret and worry about them. Don't think about your lack of them. Think of them as yours, as belonging to you, as already in your possession.
Most of us have never allowed ourselves to want what we truly want because we can't see how it's going to manifest.
Have I really admitted to myself before what I really want in life, what my real goals are? Probably not, because my true goals are so high and far-fetched, they seem unattainable. But why? Why are they unattainable? Who decided they were impossible? No one did. Therefore, I have just as good a chance as anyone else of reaching my goals. Remove the doubt, and know that it is soon going to happen, it just hasn't happened yet.
Remember: Two steps forward and one step back is still a full step forward!
I hate taking steps back...going backwards in progress and losing ground. It frustrates me and makes me angry with myself for not being a success at my endeavor. I hate to remind myself - one step back does not equal a complete and total failure. The two steps forward outweigh that one step, so keep in mind that even though my progress might not be two full steps, it still is
I got a new cover for my cell phone. I paid a whopping $1.45 for it on Ebay. It's totally cool -
I am sitting here, it is 5:30pm. I should be home eating my soup right now. Nope, I am at my desk at work (stomach grumbling) listening to the piano tuner guy tuning the gawd-awful band room piano. It is SOOOO out of tune, even the cheerful tuner guy got crabby when he saw what he had to work with. Now I am listening to him hit each note repeatedly...over and over again as loud as he can...while he tweaks the strings. I am slowly going
Things that drive me mad, batty, and insane...a
It is still February. I am sick as a dog - sore throat, lethargic, all the makings of a nice old flu bug.
This morning when I went outside to head to work, I heard birds chirping! For a brief moment it almost felt like spring. The 25 degree air brought me back to my senses.
At times, life can feel so cruddy, even though I feel physically awesome. Today I feel like a truck ran over me, yet I am optimistic and forward-thinking. Amazing what a few good thoughts can do to your day!
Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.
We are all so interconnected and dependent. yeah, you can feel so self-important with your own supposed independence, but in reality you need someone. Chances are you need a lot of someones. One's very existence is dependent on a large network of relationships - spouse, friends, family, boss, co-workers, even the garbage man who picks up your trash every Monday morning. I hate having to need somebody. I hate being
For fun, let's throw around some Bob Ross quotes.
We tell people sometimes: we’re like drug dealers, come into town and get everybody absolutely addicted to painting. It doesn’t take much to get you addicted.
Water’s like me. It’s laaazy… Boy, it always looks for the easiest way to do things.
Trees cover up a multitude of sins.
That’s a crooked tree. We’ll send him to Washington.
Maybe in our world there lives a happy little tree over there.
...and the BEST quote...
We don’t make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.
For more inspiration...go here
Questions are good. They make us think. You have to think a lot harder before you type, whereas when you speak a lot blurts out and gets misconstrued (by the speaker or the speakee!). It's worth a shot, right? OK, so in the spirit of questions, here are some personal random questions answered by me. They are meaningless and really don't say anything other than I am freaking out-stressed right now and am using this silly exercise to make myself relax and think of other things.
I shoveled snow this morning before work. Amazingly we got an additional 6 inches on top of the two snowstorms we had last week! Normally these things are spaced out a little better. I am fine with it - get it all over in one swoop and be done with the snow.
Shoveling snow is such a clear-cut task. You dig, lift, and the results of your efforts are clearly visible in the open path you created. There is something very satisfying about this. Think of how many other tasks we do each day where we have no clear-cut vision of what we accomplished? Sometimes you work at things and see no progress and feel like you are just spinning your wheels. Weeks later, you look back and realize that yes, you did make progress and your hard work has finally paid off! That's a nice feeling. It's also a reminder to myself that even if I don't see the results immediately, perhaps in the future I will look back and be proud of the progress I made...
It's so weird - this morning I woke up from another dream where I went back to college. This is the third or fourth dream I've had about going back to BG and dealing with marching band and band stuff. I wonder what it means? In all of these dreams, I am not going back in time, but rather I am the age I am today, but for some odd reason I am going back to college. I can't tell whether I am going back as a student or a professor. I do know it was a huge change, and it made me nervous, but I was really optimistic and looking forward to things. So, so strange! I wonder what that means?
"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Change is difficult. It is time. I cannot exist without change...the status quo has no status. It is time.
"Change does not necessarily assure progress, but progress implacably requires change."
I can sit here like a weakling and be afraid of change, or I can make it mine by choosing it myself and taking control over my own life.
"If you want things to be different, perhaps the answer is to become different yourself."
I am trying this...have tried it for several months without any improvement or change. I am completely and totally sad. Broken. I am just so sad. Mainly because today I have given up. I just can't keep making a fool out of myself for no reason. I am so sad. I just can't do it. I feel completely inverted, inside out. My skin is gone, I am raw, and I have nothing left inside of me because it all spilled out and got thrown away. I just cannot combat the sadness anymore. It's not anger, it's just all sadness.
I give myself an
What I must realize is that regardless of the grade I am getting for effort, testing, or accomplishment, there comes a realization that sometimes it just
There is no greater power in the universe than the power of love. The feeling of love is the highest frequency you can emit. If you could wrap every thought in love, if you could love everything and everyone, your life would be transformed.
I have always thought that
The Secret is such a cool book. A little wacky in spots, but probably because I still have areas of my mind that are closed to the possibility that I can have my own power and use it at will. I feel so powerless at times, and I forget that I truly own only myself and my own thoughs, and that's all I can really control.
Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back.
Love goes both ways...you can't get it unless you give it, right? Here's a GREAT quote to end my Val Day Blog entry:
If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself.
Love yourself first! Love your own uniqueness, your own thoughts and mind, your personality, your thoughts that make you giggle, your humanness, your mistakes you learn from, your joy in the silly little things. Love who YOU are, not who someone thinks you are or wants you to be. Love yourself first, and then pass a little love around. This is a lesson I am trying to learn this week - to love myself. Stop getting angry at my failings, shortcomings, and stupidity...love the things about myself that make me ME!
I was driving to work this morning (surprisingly on time for a change!) and thinking about all the traffic lights I have to go through. Some mornings I seem to have great karma and everything in life aligned, and I hit nearly every light
I guess my life is kind of like my commute. Some days I am really prepared and have everything in order, and I cruise through the day with all green lights, flying from one task to another and getting a lot accomplished. Other days I am disorganized, late, and ill-prepared for my tasks, and I keep stopping and starting, finding things I forgot to do or things that I need to backtrack and take care of before the next task. At the end of those days I see very little accomplished because I spent most of the day dealing with stupid little things that I forgot (or procrastinated) and had to deal with. Other days are Yellow, caution light days. I am less prepared than I would like, but the stars align and I am able to fake my way through some tasks and rush through others where I actually find what I need and get the job done that I had initially forgotten about. At the end of Yellow days, I am exhausted from rushing, but I feel pretty good about what I accomplished.
I wish I had more green light days. My life is so stressful and disjointed because of my own disorganization. Procrastination is also a terrible disease I suffer from, and I have yet to find that magical cure.
Hey, but it's been 6 weeks and my desk is still clean...that's something, right>
I feel so slovenly and slothlike. I've had two days off in a row due to a major snowstorm. It was a very welcome respite! This was supposed to be the busiest, most stressful week of my life and suddenly Mom nature swooped in and wiped away my schedule! I am disappointed in myself because instead of spending these two days working on stuff that I need to work on, I did more of a
Well, my two days of relaxation are over and it looks like I am back to reality tomorrow...long day at work, jazz rehearsal in Dayton, then work on Friday, basketball game Friday night, and a rescheduled basketball game Saturday afternoon. Why on earth must they reschedule a game at
Ok, rant over...it's my job...love it or hate it, it is what it is and I gotta do what I gotta do.
You have no idea the power of words. Remember the phrase
Yep, it could be! It all depends on
Right now as we speak I am working on trying to be the angel and make it right. It's a lonely job. How about joining me? I bet we would be amazed if for once in our lives we were mowing in the same direction!!!
It's really so simple. "What am I attracting right now?" Well, how do you feel? "I feel good." Well good, keep doing that.
It is impossible to feel good and at the same time be having negative thoughts. If you are feeling good, it is because you are thinking good thoughts. You see, you can have whatever you want in your life, no limits. But there's one catch: You have to feel good.
Both quotes are from The Secret. OK, so in essence, your thoughts and your
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Now there's a thought! How often do we find ourselves looking back at something, someone, some event, and regretting our actions or inactions...wishing we had done things different? Every mistake we make causes a door to close, but another one to open. How often do we completely miss the newly opened door because we are bemoaning the past? So often we use the past as an excuse. The past did not create us, we created the past and are responsible for it regardless of blame or fault. WE are responsible for our past. We are also responsible for our future and what it holds. Blaming the past for today's faults shows weak character. No more blame! Look at that open door and anticipate the new challenges and potential successes it might hold.
Yep, I am psychic...I sure predicted this morning's ickiness, didn't I? I hate being clairvoyant about bad things. Does that mean I have a naturally negative personality? NO! I don't want that! I fight negativity daily...it's an ongoing effort. There is so much negativity that swirls around me, and most of it is directed
I am sitting here this morning letting my truck run. Windchills are below zero, and I am hoping my truck thaws by the time I have to leave for work in 5 minutes. I am sitting here just perusing the horse forums on the internet and thinking to myself that I am really lacking in anticipation lately. I don't see anything in my near future that I am really looking forward to or working towards. Sure, I have goals and plans for this year that i am working at day by day - showing at Tom Powers, Congress, etc. Those are many many months away. I see nothing in my immediate future that gives me a little bit of a sizzle in my mind, nothing that makes me slightly excited and anticipatory. Maybe I need to plan something...some little trip or event that will be fun for me? Let's see...my next free weekend is March 13. Whew, that's a long wait! That's also Daylight Savings Time, and that is my official "first weekend of spring" because once we gain that extra hour in the evenings things get better and better for me.
I feel pretty good about myself and what I am doing right now.
The ground is frozen again. Our lovely little respite from the hardcore winter we had last weekend is definitely over. Personally, I am a bit frozen myself. I can either let my ice be chipped away, or go thaw myself into a liquid. Thawing sounds a lot less painful! I think that's what i need to do. Easier said than done...but I have accomplished much bigger things so I should be able to handle this one. Thaw! Get warm!
Did you know that today is the 50th anniversary of bubble wrap???
"The term "Bubble Wrap" was coined in 1960 by engineers Marc Chavannes and Al Fielding who came up with the stuff in Hawthorne, N.J., with the intent of creating a trendy new textured wallpaper."
I totally want some wallpaper made of bubble wrap! How cool is that? Oh, go ahead and pop them. You know you want to! Go on....
Virtual Bubblewrap © www.virtual-bubblewrap.com
virtual-bubblewrap-distv1.1
In-service meetings are such fun. We had one this past Friday, and the afternoon dealt with diagnosing ADHD students. For fun (and to stay awake), I took the quiz to see how I rank. Here are the points that I scored high on:
So there you have it (in a condensed version)! I have 23 out of the 35 signs for ADHD. Amazing, whoda thunkit? Yeah, pretty much everyone that knows me!
The sections of my life seem to be at polar opposites. It's very strange. I am filled with hope and optimism for my horse show season in 2010. I feel incredibly positive and am envisioning a lot of great moments ahead of me. Yet I feel nothing but pessimism in other areas of my life. The two never seem to bleed over into themselves. It's like I live a bipolar life, and the two halves have never met! It sounds weird, but maybe it's a way for me to stay mentally healthy and keeping some areas from poisoning the other areas of my life. Hmmm...that's a thought!
It's nearing the end of January, but the long winter still looms ahead of me. Today we had a brief respite from the freezing temps, and it actually reached 50 degrees! Back to reality and sub-freezing tomorrow, dropping down farther and farther all week. What is the point of me giving this weather forecast? None really, other than to sit and contemplate how much of my life is really run by the weather and temperatures. I sit here planning my clothing for work, and my barn clothing - how many layers will I need, will I need my waterproof boots, are my big jeans washed (the ones that can fit several pairs of long underwear underneath them!)? Oh, such things I contemplate. Boring? Yeah, maybe. But really...you don't really want to know what is going on in my mind right now. I typed a huge paragraph and promptly deleted it because it was a bit too revealing, a bit too depressing and negative, and I really don't think it's necessary for you to read my crap thoughts at this time. So, instead you get a diatribe about the weather. Enjoy.
I think I have ranted about this before, maybe last year? But seriously, folks! There is this stupid old man that drives west on Rt. 309 at nearly the same time every morning that I do while going to work. He drives with his dome light on and a newspaper sitting on the front seat next to him, and he reads as he drives. He weaves on the road, occasionally going off on the berm, occasionally crossing the yellow line in the center. It is frustrating to me...this idiot is going to have an accident and is going to tie up Elida Road so that I can't get to work on time some morning, I just know it! Just so you all know, his license plate is Ohio FOE 2064 and he is a true idiot. I'll let you all know if I find his wreckage at the side of the road some morning.
A rut is a grave with the ends knocked out.
Sometimes living in a rut isn't so bad. You have walls on two sides which gives you a modicum of security along with open paths in front of you and behind you that you can move freely while staying in the confines of the rut. You have the illusion of freedom, while in reality you are safe and guided in only two possible directions.
Believe me, I left my rut many times, and always seemed to pay a dear price. At this point in time, at this moment only, I am staying in my rut where it is safe and sheltered. I have to...
Oh what a week, what a month. Lots and lots of people are putting expectations on me - be here, do this, go there, pay this, take care of that, etc. *poof* They disappear when it's my turn. Interesting!
OMG, I just looked at the calendar. Taylor is due in 3 months!!!! Wow. I can feel excitement building but I am fighting it. NOT letting myself anticipate. Just stayin' in the rut until it's safe to come out.
You want to become aware of your thoughts and choose your thoughts carefully and you want to have fun with this, because you are the masterpiece of your own life. You are the Michelangelo of your own life. The David you are sculpting is you.
I am the artist of my life and I am creating this great piece of artwork that I live in, that I breathe and consume. My best and worst piece of art is ME, the
You are where you are today by the choices that you have made, or have ALLOWED others to make for you
Well duh! Everything that happens in your life and the lives of others is the direct result of the tiny, minuscule choices you make on a daily basis, or the choices people make around you that slightly changes the course of your actions, or thinking. Choose wisely, people! You are directing the flow of the lives of people around you. Kinda scary to think that the general people in my life are making decisions that will alter my course. I know some people specifically have a ton of power over me and my choices, and I hate that...because more often than not the people with that power abuse it to their own advantage. People don't realize that changing the course of my stream can be risky, dangerous, and can definitely backfire quickly.
Ok, honestly, is that any way to live...keeping your hopes and expectations low as to not be disappointed? In most areas of my life I do not do this. Nope...for instance in my horse life, the sky is the limit when it comes to dreams and hopes. Nothing short of a Congress or World Champion pinnacle for me! I do not share this philosophy with the rest of my life. I expect little...I expect nothing, and yet am still disappointed when that is exactly what I get.
Your mind thinks thoughts and the pictures are broadcast back as your life experience. You not only create your life with your thoughts, but your thoughts add powerfully to the creation of the world. If you thought that you were insignificant and had no power in this world, think again. Your mind is actually SHAPING the world around you.
That is another passage from The Secret. OK, I get the idea that your life story is basically your own perception of the events that happen. I can see how my own mind shapes what has happened in my own mind. How can my mind shape events in reality...how can my mind MAKE things the way I perceive them?
Though you know, since I came back with Corky from that show in Cloverdale 2 1/2 weeks ago, I came home with a great feeling and the expectation that things with us and our performance under saddle was going to be different and better, and you know....it has! I have NOT had a bad ride since coming home from the show...not a day has come by where I left unhappy. Is this because not a day has come by that I went to the barn dreading it or expecting a problem? Hmmm...Something to think about....
.Incase you did not know...
Women are angels
And when someone breaks our wings
We continue to fly....
...on a broomstick.
That struck me as very funny...true, but funny. Go ahead, break my wings! Then you'd better run....
I am in positive mode today. Working on my attitude is never a very fun task, but it's gotta be done!
Black Play-Doh is very cool, you know? When I was young, Play-Doh came in 4 colors -
Ok, lots happening today. Due to students waiting till the very last minute to prepare for solo and ensemble contest, I will be trapped at school till late both today and tomorrow. Once again, others' lack of prep has become my issue. I guess that's all part of my job. I am not shining, really I am not! Solo and Ensemble practice is inside which makes me very happy!
I should have made a New Year's resolution to quit procrastinating. Maybe I'll put that off till next year. That's one resolution I am doomed to fail!
My life is officially a
OK, this is just stupid. Holding grudges over dumb $hit is, well, just plain
The major block to compassion is the judgment in our minds. Judgment is the mind's primary tool of separation.
Being judgmental blocks your own personal relationships, their chance to grow and improve, and your own credibility. No one can take seriously a person that is blind to their own faults.
There is no man so good, who, were he to submit all his thoughts and actions to the laws, would not deserve hanging 10 times in his life.
Ahhh, so true! If you look objectively at your own thoughts and actions you would see this. My goal (another one, will they every stop?) is to look at myself much more objectively...see the reality.
You do not define anyone with your judgment. You only define yourself as someone who needs to judge.
AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH? No one is impressed by the judgmental people. You aren't fooling anyone into thinking you are more perfect than the next guy. Back to my original thought - I will be
I think I am constantly surprised and amazed because i am not very smart. Seriously! The smart people don't take things at face value and believe everything they hear. Smart people doubt, fact-find, and wait for the truth to rear it's ugly head. Smart people are cynics. OK, I am somewhat of a cynic. I tend to disbelieve 80% of what I hear. The 20% that I do believe always
Ok, it's that dreaded, yet hope-filled time...
Good luck, Jan. You're gonna need it! Here's to 2010! I swore that 2009 was going to be MY year, but it turned out to be a year of learning and realization, but very little accomplishment. I am entering 2010 much wiser, smarter, and a better plan of action (I think!). Here we go!
